Written by Ellen Butterflyy Allen

Hey y’all! It is your girl, Ellen Butterflyy Allen, coming at you with some pure, unapologetic, New Orleans-style flavor. Grab your sweet tea—or maybe something a little stronger, because we are getting into it today!

If you tuned into the latest episode of the Life and Bullshit podcast, you already know we had a virtual sit-down with the absolute Memphis sweetheart, Commissioner Erika Sugarmon. And let me tell you, if you thought politics was all stiff suits and boring speeches, Commissioner Sugarmon is here to flip that whole table over. We are talking Divine Feminine Energy, holding your own in a room full of men, and the absolute juiciest take on marriage I have heard in a long time!

Child of the Movement, Mother of the Revolution

Before we get to the racy stuff, we have to give this queen her flowers. Erica didn’t just wake up powerful; she was born into the fire. As the daughter of civil rights heavyweights, she was practically raised on the front lines. She grew up with the police chasing her folks and cocktail meetings in her living room strategizing the movement. They literally put the kids out front because they couldn’t get arrested! Talk about a trial by fire.

She took all that "Spitfire" energy right into the Commissioner's seat. When the boys' club told her to "wait her turn," she smiled, played the game, and then took over the board. That is how you do it, ladies!

"What Love Life?" – The Three-Husband Strategy

Now, let’s get into the tea, because when I asked this powerful, affluent woman how her political career affected her love life, she hit me with three words: "What love life?"

Honey, I nearly fell out of my chair!

Commissioner Sugarmon told a story that every woman needs to hear. Back in the day, she didn't want the white picket fence and the husband; she just wanted 12 kids. She was out here trying to build the Black Kennedy dynasty! So, what did she do? She found her high school boyfriend, said, "Give me a baby, but let's not get married." Well, they got married anyway, and it didn't last.

Husband number two? She told him the plan, they got hitched, and in her own words: "He couldn't produce. I said, you gotta go!" I screamed! Do you hear me? You gotta go! By husband number three, she tried to just draw up a contract for the kids, but he wore her down and put a ring on it. Then, he had the nerve to tell this Spitfire that he didn't want her running for office. Well, the marriage didn't last, but guess who is sitting in the Commissioner's chair right now? That’s right.

Leaving the Sugar on the Floor

Erika’s story is the absolute definition of what this podcast is all about. You take the Life—the lessons, the babies, the power, the purpose—and you leave the Bullshit on the floor. Like the legendary Etta James said, you can't do nothing with sugar on the floor but sweep it up and throw it away! It's a waste of energy.

At this stage in her life, Erika doesn't need a man to fulfill her. She’s got her kids, her degrees (she literally defended her dissertation the day after our chat!), her community, and her unbreakable faith. She stepped into her Divine Feminine Energy and realized that true power doesn’t require anyone else's permission—or a wedding ring.

So, to all my ladies out there, whether you are in your 20s trying to figure it out, or in your prime building your empire: Stop watering yourselves down. Stop waiting your turn. If the situation ain't producing what you need to grow, tell it, "You gotta go!"

Keep your standards high, your boundaries firm, and always, always stick together. Until next time, I’m sending you all the Southern love and bold energy you can handle. See y'all later!